Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
