Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
