He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
