I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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