when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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