Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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