I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
