i used baking grease as lip gloss
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
