she was so not down for the gang bang
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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