i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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