i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
