I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
