I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
