oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
