I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
