My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
