Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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