I'm lost and stupid without you.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
