ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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