I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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