some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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