Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He did a backflip because drugs
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
