I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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