I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
