it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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