If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
