remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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