you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
