2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
operation harelip BJ is a go
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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