your parents love me but you hate me
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You made out with two different species that night
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
