Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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