in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
