Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
