Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
