Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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