i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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