last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
