I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
