i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
