Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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