Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
