Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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