that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
