I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think my vagina is haunted
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
