Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
