Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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