My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
