Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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