I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
