So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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