Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My first STD was from a foam party
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
