I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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